This might seem like your typical “pinterest inspired” quote and post where I will talk about how the ocean completes me and that I don’t need anything but sun and sand and my two bare feet to be happy in this world…but it isn’t. Yeaa my mind is at peace when I am underwater or even near it but I have learned that there is so much more to life. I always thought there was, but I hadn’t found it yet. Most of my life has been spent looking for something but no idea what. Just knew there was more to life. Yeaa I have been happy, sad, lost, found whatever but the search remained. Being alone? Fine with it. Some of the happiest years of my life have been spent by myself in a jungle in Thailand. In fact I have felt more alone in probably every other relationship that I have ever been in than when I was actually alone. Because when the one you’re with doesn’t understand you, you will never have what you want and it isn’t even their fault. So lately, I am dealing with people asking me “how are you possibly moving from Bonaire? how sad are you? can you handle this change?”. Are you kidding me? I have never been more sure of anything in my life. I never thought that one person could make me realize that I literally don’t need anything else in life. I won’t go on about it too much as to not turn into a sappy ridiculous post that people get sick of because no one likes you to ramble on about how happy you are…unless they are just as happy. So if it annoys you that I’m happy, it’s probably because you aren’t. Truth hurts. I live in a world where the people who are close to me are the kind that build each other up and are genuinely happy for everyone else’s happiness regardless of their own and without intention. Turns out, we are all pretty damn happy. CRAZY.
My saltwater soul will always be just beneath the surface of my skin but it doesn’t mean that I need to be an island gypsy forever. Like a shadow it will always be there with the right light. I love the people who only know the gypsy me and have actually no clue that what lies beneath that is so much deeper. And when I told them “yeaa I’m going back to America because it’s actually what I want not because I have to” they get this really confused look and follow it up with “why would you want that?”. Ok well now the conversation turns to a little bit deeper than I care to get to with you, mostly stranger that I’m getting paid to be nice to. So, I usually just give some generic response like “Yeah I know it’s crazy how can I leave paradise?!” (LOL so fake). Can’t believe I am calling myself out on my fakeness. Whatever. Because the truth is, I can count on one hand the people who actually know the most real me. Don’t get me wrong, I am not completely closed off and I do enjoy sharing and being open with people but I draw the line somewhere depending on who you are. And if I go silent all of a sudden, it’s because I feel you judging me, so that’s the end of that. The point here is, just because you have seen the island child me, doesn’t mean you have seen all of me. So, forgive me for being slightly offended that it’s just unfathomable to you that I would want to move back to the states and make a life with someone. Part of life is knowing when to move on. So here I am, all settled in south Florida and happier than I ever thought I could be. My soul is just as salty as ever and I am still the same old me. Cheers to a new beginning.